So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
