I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
