You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
