he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
