I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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