So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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