literally had 100 drinks last night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
