Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
