I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Drunk is not a location!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
