dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We had sex on a dog bed..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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