Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize