when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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