You work out of a Hotel?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
