i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
