just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
