oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
