I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All the doctor said was why
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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