Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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