I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
