our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
