It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
