We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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