gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
