Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
