like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize