He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
