ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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