last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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