I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
