tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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