Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
