Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
