I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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