Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
