dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
