yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
id be glad to
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
