I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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