What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
