just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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