So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
