You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
