This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
