I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
