she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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