I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
