I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
