another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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