your thong is hanging out like whoa
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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