I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
