He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
being pregnant is like rehab
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize