The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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