She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
