when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
