i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
