so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
