Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
