just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
