i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
