not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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