I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My ass is underappreciated
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
