the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize