i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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