i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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