Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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