i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
