I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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