the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
