who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
