also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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