Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
whose parrot is this?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
