We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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