We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
