I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This is my gift to your gina
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
