My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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