I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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