heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
