Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
