I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
