I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
