Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
