cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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