remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
