No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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