I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
