But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize