Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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