If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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