Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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