I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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