'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
