Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
