Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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