I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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