so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
