You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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