You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize