so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize