p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
