We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
