Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
