I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize