I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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