And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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