I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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