this beer tastes like vomit already
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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