Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
