forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
