At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
